Monday, December 14, 2009

Bitch Slapped At Wal-Mart

I decided to make my rounds at Wal-Mart today. I know, I know........I have no idea what I was thinking except that maybe there would be lots of Christmas spirit happening there. And let me tell you.....I was RIGHT! I'm not so sure it was the kind of Christmas spirit I was hoping for.

Wal-Mart shoppers are like none other on the face of the earth. Of course.....I'm not really one of them, you know.........I just watch.

Does this woman not feel something riding her crotch? I don't get it!

The interesting thing about it is the people there are from all different levels on the economic ladder. The lady driving the '09 Porsche is parked next to the '72 Pinto that backfired like a gunshot when the driver turned the ignition off. Eight kids jumped out of the Pinto and I never did figure out which one was the adult in the group. 

And I must SCARES me to go to Wal-Mart! I don't know why I keep going!

I'm always very cautious, wherever I go and pay close attention to where my pocketbook is at all times, but most of the time, I put my purse in the child seat in the buggy so that it is still with me, but I don't have to carry it. Anyway......the problem comes when I see something I want to look at that is located in a spot that I can't push my buggy, because the other shoppers are not willing to give up their spot. If I am lucky enough to have coaxed Minor to come along on the trip, I will most often ask him to watch my purse a minute. I'm not asking him to HOLD it..... I'm just asking him to WATCH it. And for any one of you that knows me, it's to his benefit to watch it, because if something happened to it, he is the one to have to listen to me crying and complaining for the rest of his life.

So anyway, I was pushing my buggy around Wal-Mart in the women's clothes actually, and spotted a really cute jacket that would look absolutely amazing outside of the store.....but, I couldn't get to it to see if it was my size....and watch my purse in the buggy. So once again, I asked Minor, who is trailing behind me, wondering when this is going to be over, “Will you watch my pocketbook a minute while I look at this?” I had barely gotten it out of my mouth when a woman.....and I mean a BIG WOMAN looked down at my five foot frame and in my face said, “I AIN'T GONNA STEAL YO POCKETBOOK, BITCH.” My natural instinct was to respond right back with, “Oh, I didn't mean YOU.” But I completely FROZE! I couldn't respond at all. She would have knocked my butt on the floor in one bitch slap! And Minor was no help at all. He pretended he wasn't with me.....the traitor.

She pushed herself on through the racks of clothing as she mumbled something that sounded like.....”I'll bitch slap you to the next planet.” I looked at Minor and said, “I'm ready to go home now. I'm not feeling as Christmassy as I did awhile ago.”


  1. Holy Macadamia Nuts. I woulda responded with "what, U got a guilty conscious?" and went about my shopping.

  2. I wanted to......but, I'm pretty much a sissy. I only cuss out the people I love.

  3. Under the category WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE THINKING, the final fashion ensemble wins "Most Trailer Chic 2009"

    Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!

  4. I was picturing this as I read it and could see your five foot self responding. And then I read Mr. Minor's reaction remembering my hubby has done that to me on occasion too. Although, my hubby's reaction was because I was the one who threatened to bitch slap someone. lol

  5. I find myself frozen with disbelief at some people, too. Wow. I wonder if you had called her out if she would have not done anything after all?
    It makes me upset that she treated you that way. I think you should have a great Christmas now just for spite! LOL