Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Does This Thong Make My Ass Look Big?

Well, I guess I put it off long enough. I lounged around and ate everything in sight from Halloween until almost Valentine's Day.

See, I think in terms of holidays that have lots of candy and big meals involved. I couldn't have gained weight any faster, without praying at the altar for God to help me be fat.

You'd think I enjoy being fat. Not to mention the challenge of finding something in my closet that I haven't out grown. I love eating and I hate exercise.

My most favorite thing to do is to eat a scrumptious meal and then take a long nap.

But now, I've had enough of it. So today, I drug my sorry behind to the local Weight Watchers meeting, AGAIN.

It's a little sad when the leaders remember me. Actually, I have lost a lot of weight from staying on the Weight Watcher program and I truly believe it works. It's just that somewhere around 25 pounds lost, I start feeling depraved and begin to splurge. Then it dawns on me after a couple of weeks of splurging, that it's not hurting me too much and then a holiday comes up and it's all over. My will power is suddenly shot. Once I miss a couple of meetings, I always throw in the towel and resign myself to being a fat girl.

One of my problems is that I happen to like fat people. They tend to poke fun at themselves and I have figured out that the fatter I get, the more I make fun of myself. It's a coping mechanism.

Slim, trim people just don't understand the trials and tribulations of being fat. They think us fat folks should just stop eating and go run a mile. To that, I say eff you.

So I'm making a commitment. And I want you to know that when I commit to something, it's a done deal. I am totally in there, no if's, and's, or but's. I'm now dieting and exercising and I'm going to bitch and complain the whole time. My family will tell you it's true. It's usually really hard to get me to commit because I won't do it unless it's the real deal. I'm in now. I'm doing it. I've done it before and by God, I'm doing it again.

I'm not going to tell you how much I'm going to lose, because then you'd have some preconcieved idea about how much weight that actually looks like. Let's just say, I'm not looking forward to the beach season.

And I would imagine you'd come back to me with, "Are you kidding? Are you really THAT fat?" Well, my answer to that would be, "Maybe." The way I see it is, if you think I am really, really fat, then when and if you ever see me in person, you're gonna think, "Wow, Carla has really lost weight." I like to think ahead like that.

It would also give me the opportunity to use this line that I have been saving for that special moment when someone really pisses me off about my weight. "I'm may be fat, but you're ugly. And I can lose weight." So there.

I do hope you won't mind if I keep you posted with my losses. You're gonna love me when it's over, or hate me because I'm beautiful. Really.

* * *

Oh, one more thing... Kate and I have been busy planning a "Bloggers Week-End" at St. Simons Island for July 25th, 26th, & 27th. That's arrive on Friday and leave on Sunday.

Kate has received an excellent price from The Sea Palms Inn and has already had 15 rooms blocked for Myspace Bloggers. If we need more rooms, we can do that too! You will just need to mention her name if you call for reservations. Dead line for reservations is sometime in June, but I'll have to check with Kate for the exact deadline date. We are still in the planning stages, but between Kate's MS friends and mine, we can all get together and have a great time meeting each other. There are lots of things to see and do here on the island and we will also be planning a "low country boil" on the beach and some other fun things.

Let us know if you think you might be interested. Kate and I are excited about the opportunity to meet our MS friends! We'll keep ya'll posted on all the details as plans are being made.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Don't Make Me Beg

We went Valentine shopping this afternoon.

I had quite a bit on my list that I needed to take care of. Cards, candy, stuffed animals, and cutsey Valentiney stuff.

Ryan shopped with Minor and they headed for the grocery section while I pondered over the Valentines. Five minutes later and they are on my heels.

Ryan was adament that he wanted to buy his Mama and me a Valentine present. So we picked out something he really liked for Kate and just the right packaging to make it look all Valentiney.

Next he wanted to buy something for me. Hmmmm. So Minor and Ryan followed me to another section of the store and I picked out a few different things that I liked. Then Ryan could decide which one he wanted and Minor could help him with it while I continued my shopping.

A few minutes later, the two of them are still with me and obviously haven't made any attempt at making a Valentine purchase for me.
Ryan is nagging Minor about it and so Minor asks me, "Which one of those items you showed us, do you really want?"

Me: "Well... ya know... why don't you just wait and get Kate to run into Hallmark later and pick up a little something for him to give me?"

Ryan: "NO! NO! I want to get something for you now!"

Me: "Minor, just let him pick anything. Really, anything is fine."

So off they strolled to buy a gift for Nanny. They purchased it, took it to the car, and came back in the store to meet up with me.

Ryan: "Nanny, I got you a present! But I can't tell you what it is, because that's against the rules."

Me: "OK."

Now I had shopped about as much as I could possibly stand, and was Valentined out, so I made my purchases and we all went to the car.

Ryan: "Don't look in the car, Nanny, because your present is in there and you can't see it because that's against the rules."

Me: "OK."

Well, you know me. On our ride home, I decided to tease Ryan a little.

Me: " what did you get me for Valentine's Day?"

Ryan: " know I can't tell you THAT! It's a secret and it's against the rules for you to know."

Me: "Oh, please tell me. I want to know so bad!"

Ryan: "No. I told you it's a secret. I can't tell you."

Me: "Well, I'll tell you what. If you tell ME what you got for ME, I'll tell YOU what I got for YOU!"

And with no hesitation whatsoever,

Ryan: "OK. I got you a ....

Me: "WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! NO! I'm just kidding. I thought I was going to have to beg more."

Ryan: "But I want to tell YOU, so you can tell ME."


Trip to Walmart - $73.62
Teasing Ryan - Priceless

Friday, February 8, 2008

Sock Hops and Bee Bops

Do you remember the days of sock hops?

I remember my first sock hop in the high school gym. I must have been about 13. It was great.

After each home football game, there was a sock hop held at the high school gymnasium in our little home town. I don't really remember how much it cost to get in, but evidently my parents gave me the money and I tagged along with my older sister and her friends. We walked into the gym entrance which held a concession area on the left and a trophy case full of really old and new trophies on the right. Underneath the trophy case were a zillion pairs of Bee-Bops.

Everyone wore Bee-Bops. So off with the Bee-Bops and onto the gym floor in our sock feet.

The only lighting in the gym was from the locker rooms on the far side of the gym and from the concession area. Just the right amount, I would say. This gym was huge, so there were many places within the gym floor and the bleachers that were not lit at all.

Pretty soon, I met up with some of my own girlfriends and we sort of stood around and giggled. Some guys our age were also there and they sort of nudged themselves into our little group thing.

Before long, we were all dancing and swayin to the music. I remember dancing with this one guy that was in my class at school. I didn't really like him, but he was someone to dance with and it was a lot more fun than dancing with one of my girlfriends or sitting on the bleachers wishing someone would ask me to dance. Problem was, he KEPT asking me to dance.

There was a local band playing all the newest songs and when they were on a break we heard music played from a record player with 45 RPM's. Speakers were set up at all corners of the gym. The music was loud and pure 60's. The Lettermen, Percy Sledge, The Righteous Brothers, Wilson Pickett, Otis Redding, Johnny Rivers. It was an exciting time!

Lots of smooching going on in some of those unlit areas. Of course, I'm just looking in awe because this is my first time being a sock hopper. And my sister wasn't exactly thrilled for me to be tagging along.

At midnight, the lights came on and everyone scrambled for their shoes...which wasn't an easy task, since they all looked alike. New relationships were made, some break ups happened, and lots of memories made.


On Monday, the guy that kept asking me to dance was now telling all his friends that he was "going" with me. At first, I sort of let it go. But by lunch time, I had had enough! So the bitch that I am and always will be, came out.

I asked him, "Who do you think you are telling people that you like me? All I did was dance with you because I felt sorry for you. I would never like anybody like you because you have dirty finger nails. And you better not ever tell anybody that you like me again! I did not say you could like me! OK?"

Backed up to the wall, he looked at me with shock and disbelief and said, "OK."

So the reason I'm telling this story is two fold.
One...I really did have a great time at my first sock hop.
And two...I am sorry I was such a bitch to that poor little guy.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Vampires in February

"Nanny, do you know what to do, so a vampire bat won't bite you?"

"No. What?"

"Invite him to your Halloween party. Cause that's the nice thing to do."

Don't ask me where that came from.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News

I had a slight headache, so I told Ryan I was going to rest on the couch a minute until it went away. His response was, "Let me get my Doctor kit."

I knew I was in for it, although I decided to just play along. You know, it's much easier to go with the flow than buck the system.

So I'm laying on the couch with my head on a pillow while Ryan is adjusting his official doctor name tag.

He then hooks his beeper on his belt and pulls out the stethoscope and blood pressure cuff.

"Your heart is still beating." he said.

"But you're hot, so you have a bad fever."

He then proceeds to shove the spit cup under my face.

I oblige by pretending to throw up.

"Nanny, we're just playing." he reminded me.

"Oh yah...sorry." I said.

"So, am I doing?" I questioned him.

"I need to give you a note for you to give to your family." he said. "Don't open it. It's for your family to read."

Still continuing with the game, "Well OK. I have a daughter that lives down the hall there, the first bedroom on the right. Can you deliver it to her?" I asked.

"Yes." he answers, as he grabs the note and runs to Kate's room.

Returning, he pulls out his phone and begins keying in a phone number. "I'm calling in another Doctor because I'm fixing to go play with my trains."

Doctor, Doctor, give me the news, I got a bad case of lovin you!

Friday, February 1, 2008

A Green Day

When I picked Ryan up from school today, he jumped into the car and exclaimed, "I stayed in the green today!"

Before I go any further here, you should probably know that Ryan has a very hard time staying in the green in his first grade classroom. Everyday is a challenge for him...or his teacher, not sure which.

Anyway, he was all excited telling me about his very good day. "I also had PE and went to a meeting there."

"A meeting? What kind of meeting?", I quizzed him.

"They called my name and I had to stand up so they could give me a certificate and a button and a bumper sticker!", he exclaimed.

"Well, Ryan! That's great! But are you sure? What kind of certificate?", I asked, with a little disbelief.

Don't get me wrong...he is a great kid... the best kid in the world, to me...but everyday is a challenge for his teacher. We have the notes home to prove it!

"It's for being a Terrific kid!", he exclaimed, proudly.

"Oh, OK. Did everyone get one too?", I asked, knowing that most likely all the kids got the same certificate.

"No, Nanny. EVERYONE can't be a terrific kid.", he answered.

"Yah, you're right about that!", I said.

Turns out, they give this certificate to all the kids and this just happened to be Ryan's day. That's OK. He was proud. And he actually did stay in the green today.

Yay, Ryan!

Hail To The Chief!

In light of the ongoing Presidential race, I have been looking at each candidate along with the issues they are supportive of and the issues they are against. You know, "getting informed", so to speak.

The thing is...each time I choose my candidate, they drop out.

So I've decided to let everyone know that if you want someone to drop out of the race for President, just let me know. I'll decide to vote for them and then you won't have to worry about them any longer because they will decide not to run. It's that simple.

If you'd like to know who you SHOULD vote for, take this quiz and get the results. Very informative.