I'm A Believer.....Or At Least Mama Is

I came from a long line of “believers”.  And when I say “believers”, I mean the “psychic” kind.  As a child, Santa Claus left me an 8 ball to give me direction for my life.  A few years later, my Mama taught me to read fortunes with a deck of cards and a book of meanings.  Later on, a ouija board became my key to the psychic world.  And who knew you could get all the answers for your life for ony $9.99 at the local K-Mart?  What a deal!!

So it didn’t surprise me one bit when my Mama came by to pick me up on her way to her appointment with her personal psychic.  She had it all planned out……

I was pregnant with Kate at the time and due any day so Mama decided that she would help me out by taking me to her personal psychic to get the scoop on this baby.  Finally, after her insistence on me going along, I said, WTH, and stuffed myself into the front seat of her car…..which is another obstacle in itself, since Mama is only 4’10” and has the seat pulled up under the windshield. 

On the way there, Mama gives me all the details of this personal psychic guy and how he knows all these things that no one else could possibly know.  She rattles on, “He is not like all the rest of the psychic’s out there, just trying to get your money.  Oh no, he doesn’t need your money!  He has plenty of money!  And I think he gives me a better price than he gives everyone else, too.  He only charges me $5 for a complete reading.  I can probably get the same price for you, too, since you’re my daughter.”

As Mama goes on and on……I begin to stare out the passenger window, wondering where I lost control of my life.  Here I am, 10 months pregnant, on my way to a psychic’s house with my Mama.

I knew something was not quite right the second we turned into the housing complex.  Every apartment building was exactly the same and each included no less than a dozen children playing outside with 2 bicycles each.  After we drove the entire complex, it became obvious to me that Mama didn’t remember which apartment this psychic guy lived in.  GREAT!  “Mama, let’s just go home and come back another time.”, I begged.  “No, no, no!  I’ll find it in a minute!”, she replied.

And she did.  It was the apartment that had 10 people standing in line outside in the hot sun waiting to go in.  So Mama parked her car, and kept reassuring me that it was going to be fine. 

As we took our place in the back of the line, a heavy set older woman in a floral print cotton house dress, no make up, hair twisted up in sponge curlers, came to the screen door and said the Reverend could see 2 more.  At least the line was moving quickly. 

Mama caught the woman before she shut the door and said, “Excuse me, but my daughter is pregnant and due any day…..could she sit down inside where it’s cooler to wait?”  I took a deep breath and said, “No, Mama, I’m fine….really.”  Just then, the fat lady at the door answered with, “I guess so.”

So I followed Mama inside, ahead of all the other “believer’s” waiting in line, to a tiny little room with green tiled floor, wood paneling on the walls, aluminum folding chairs, and a floor fan.  An 8 X 10 walmart framed picture of Jesus was hung crooked on the wall among faded out pictures of someone’s kids.

Mama picked up an Enquirer magazine that was on an end table and made herself comfortable.  I just wanted this to be over with.

I leaned over and whispered to Mama, “I thought you said this guy had money.”

“Oh, he does!  He just doesn’t want anyone to know.”, she answered.

I just nodded my head and said, “Oh.”

Just then, the door to the Reverend’s room opened and a middle aged woman came out along with the Reverend.  He walked her to the door and shook her hand goodbye.

The Reverend was an older man in his late 70’s and not at all what I was expecting a Psychic to look like.  He went back to his room and the fat lady in introduced me to the Reverend and he began telling me that I was pregnant and would deliver any day.  It would be a fine healthy baby and probably a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.  

It was damned obvious that I was pregnant and due any day.  I have blonde hair and blue eyes, so that was a pretty good guess, and he at least had a 50/50 chance of getting the sex right.  I’m not sure how long he talked, and I don’t really remember anything earth shattering.

I paid my $5 and Mama and I left.  She talked the entire way back to my house of her experiences with the Reverend and his Psychic ability.  I was just glad to finally get home. 

And yes, the Reverend’s predictions were all correct.  Imagine that.