Saturday, January 16, 2010

Semi Trucks and Sex On The Beach

I could use a vacation…….doesn’t really matter where, just a weekend get-a-way would be quite enjoyable. Just to sit and relax with a book and a blanket and maybe a glass or two of wine. You know….let someone else wait on me…..SCREECH!!!!!!!!!!! ………..I know.




Minor already waits on me….cooks all my meals…does all the grocery shopping…pays the bills…washes his own clothes…etc. Minor is wonderful to me, but he doesn’t do vacations very well. He loves his work and his responsibilities there and takes them very seriously. Since he never knows when his health issues may cause him to be away from work, he will almost NEVER let me plan a vacation.

He hasn’t always been like that. There was a time when I was the one that it took some coaxing just to get me on a summer vacation with the family. I wanted to go, but getting me there was the problem. Once there, I absolutely enjoyed it, but the trip there was torture. All I could think about was what I forgot to pack, how sad the pets would be without us, and heaven forbid…..what if there was a family emergency and I was not there to take care of it? My mind would be reeling with everything and anything that could happen.

Minor and the kids knew how keyed up I always got, so they would arrange everything so all I had to do was get in the car. And with any luck, fall asleep and by the time I woke up, we would be at our destination. Now isn’t that sweet? You’d THINK so……. Let me just say, nothing comes without a price.




So was the case on one particular vacation trip years ago. I was sleeping soundly in the passenger seat, with my pillow…..dreaming of seagulls and ocean breezes…...hot tubs and spa treatments…..hot guys and………and…….. sex on the beach….and…….




HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK, …….HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK, HONK HONK HONK HONK …….HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!!!!!!



If I jumped an inch, I jumped at least a foot off of the seat! “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?”, I yelled.



Minor, Kate, and John, all three, looked at me with a blank, as though they had swallowed the canary. It was obvious that they all KNEW what was going on, but nobody was brave enough to step forward with the truth.



Trying not to laugh, Minor said, “They didn’t mean to do it..”

“WHAT DID YA’LL DO?”, I asked, as I turned to the backseat and evil eyed the two of them.



They both began to smirk a smile and Kate opened up with, “Well, you know how you told us how you could do this arm motion to those big truck drivers and sometimes they will honk their horn? Well, that truck driver knew what that meant!”

It seems that Kate and John were in the backseat, over at the car window, arm motioning the truck driver like CRAZY! So when the truck driver noticed them he just pulled his horn chain REPEATEDLY…….right at my passenger side door. I’m sure he enjoyed the hell out of THAT! Thanks a LOT, buddy! If my window had been open, I might have completely jumped out of the car.

*sniff, sniff* I was about to cry. I had just had the crap scared out of me and my heart was about to jump out of my chest….



I looked at all three of them as they giggled……. even Minor was laughing.

I’m so much entertainment for my family.

11 comments:

  1. I am impressed with the fact that you are able to sleep in the car! Even though you were snoozing comfortably and envisioning peace and tranquility, the awake part of your brain at the horn honking probably did scare the begeebers out of you. I probably would have wet my pants once I lassoed my heart to put it back in my chest. I do hope that at some point in time you were able to be the one who got the last laugh on them...;)

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  2. The funny part is being able to imagine it in my mind and seeing the look on everyone's face.
    Those were the days!
    You can come to NC anytime, Dave can wait on both of us...and he really would!

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  3. that's hilarious! I would have been laughing too, after my heart settled down that is :)

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  4. I can just seeing that happen. I use to be able to sleep in the car, but not anymore. I taught my kids the arm thing too. Do truckers still do that?

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  5. How grand it is that you are able to sleep during the drive to your destination! Those
    16-wheeler horns would definately make me jump off my seat too. I'm certain that this was the highlight of both of the kid's ride to the vacation destination!! Kid's do love to give their mother surprises:))

    It's great to read your blogs again!!

    Jane from Ohio

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  6. Debbie C.....
    I can really get some good sleep in the car! I love it! I can never get my family back nearly as good as they get me!

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  7. Deb.....
    You have to know exactly what I'm talking about here! If my family can get me, they will! And yes, we could have a good ole time in NC, couldn't we?

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  8. D.....
    I had to laugh a little....between the tears. It had to have been unbelieveably funny for my family!

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  9. Kathy.....
    I love sleeping in the car on a trip! And yes, truck drivers still do that!

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  10. Jane.....
    Those loud horns would scare anybody...whether they were asleep or not! Of course, my kids LOVED scaring me!

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  11. OMG! That would have given me the big one. And not in a good way :-)

    Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!

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