Semi Trucks and Sex On The Beach

I could use a vacation…….doesn’t really matter where, just a weekend get-a-way would be quite enjoyable. Just to sit and relax with a book and a blanket and maybe a glass or two of wine. You know….let someone else wait on me…..SCREECH!!!!!!!!!!! ………..I know.


Minor already waits on me….cooks all my meals…does all the grocery shopping…pays the bills…washes his own clothes…etc. Minor is wonderful to me, but he doesn’t do vacations very well. He loves his work and his responsibilities there and takes them very seriously. Since he never knows when his health issues may cause him to be away from work, he will almost NEVER let me plan a vacation.

He hasn’t always been like that. There was a time when I was the one that it took some coaxing just to get me on a summer vacation with the family. I wanted to go, but getting me there was the problem. Once there, I absolutely enjoyed it, but the trip there was torture. All I could think about was what I forgot to pack, how sad the pets would be without us, and heaven forbid…..what if there was a family emergency and I was not there to take care of it? My mind would be reeling with everything and anything that could happen.

Minor and the kids knew how keyed up I always got, so they would arrange everything so all I had to do was get in the car. And with any luck, fall asleep and by the time I woke up, we would be at our destination. Now isn’t that sweet? You’d THINK so……. Let me just say, nothing comes without a price.

So was the case on one particular vacation trip years ago. I was sleeping soundly in the passenger seat, with my pillow…..dreaming of seagulls and ocean breezes…...hot tubs and spa treatments…..hot guys and………and…….. sex on the beach….and…….

HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK, …….HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK, HONK HONK HONK HONK …….HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!!!!!!

If I jumped an inch, I jumped at least a foot off of the seat! “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?”, I yelled.

Minor, Kate, and John, all three, looked at me with a blank, as though they had swallowed the canary. It was obvious that they all KNEW what was going on, but nobody was brave enough to step forward with the truth.

Trying not to laugh, Minor said, “They didn’t mean to do it..”

“WHAT DID YA’LL DO?”, I asked, as I turned to the backseat and evil eyed the two of them.

They both began to smirk a smile and Kate opened up with, “Well, you know how you told us how you could do this arm motion to those big truck drivers and sometimes they will honk their horn? Well, that truck driver knew what that meant!”

It seems that Kate and John were in the backseat, over at the car window, arm motioning the truck driver like CRAZY! So when the truck driver noticed them he just pulled his horn chain REPEATEDLY…….right at my passenger side door. I’m sure he enjoyed the hell out of THAT! Thanks a LOT, buddy! If my window had been open, I might have completely jumped out of the car.

*sniff, sniff* I was about to cry. I had just had the crap scared out of me and my heart was about to jump out of my chest….

I looked at all three of them as they giggled……. even Minor was laughing.

I’m so much entertainment for my family.