Lipstick On Your Collar...Told A Tale On You

I’m a partier from way back. I get it honestly from my Mama who started us off as kids with tea parties in the back yard. With dolls and teddy bears as our guests, we wore dress up clothes and drank kool-aid out of china cups as well as ate vanilla wafers on china plates. Our boxer dog, named Dixie, also endured the wrath of a doll dress to attend the affair.

Most often, my sister and I would coax our little brother into playing with us by offering him additional vanilla wafers and kool-aid, but that never lasted long, and he would be off to the backyard swing.

Which, by the way, was just that…….ONE backyard swing. There were three of us kids, but we only had one rope swing in the back yard. It was a GREAT swing, too! My Daddy had fashioned this swing from a big thick rope and a board with a hole in the center for the rope and a knot tied underneath. It was the most awesome swing ANYWHERE. In fact, each morning when we woke up, we called shotgun on the swing. Only thing was, if you had to pee, your turn was over. Next person in line got the swing……until they had to pee.

Anyway, as I was saying…….parties are my thing. Which is why wedding and elopement planning fits me perfectly! I love it all……right down to the fine details. I want everybody to have the most fabulous time and leave feeling like they can’t wait for the next one! ………But that’s just me.

I remember several years back, when I was a banker, our bank hosted the annual Business After Hours Christmas party every year. It was always fabulous with the best in ordirves’, drinks, mixing, and mingling, and of course the most beautiful Christmas decorations you’ve ever seen adorned our Bank lobby. It was truly the “event” of the year for the local Chamber of Commerce and our bank welcomed the opportunity.

On one such Christmas party, I was mixing and mingling and having a good time. All of my banking buddies were there as well, and since we had been working all day, we took the opportunity to….how should I say….get down with our bad selves. Ha! You have to remember, our customers were also there as well as our bosses! There was not too much getting down with our bad selves, unless we were willing to risk our jobs.

So I had this good friend/banking buddy, let’s just call him Gary, that had recently married and he was at the party, as well. Gary was easy going and laid back and had a few drinks like the rest of us, and because he had recently married, he found himself being greeted by lots of women, very good looking women, I might add, with congratulation wishes on his recent marriage. And thus, being the recipient of lots of hugs and kisses from most of them. One particular female came in pretty close on him and left lipstick on his collar. Let me tell you, the rest of us laughed and laughed about it because we knew how jealous his new wife was and although he was totally innocent, he surely would have some explaining to do when he got home that night.

Why is it so much funnier when someone else has the problem?


Next morning, I couldn’t wait to find out how my buddy, Gary had faired with the wife and the lipstick on his collar.

Me: “Hey Gary, what did your wife say about the lipstick on your collar?”

Gary: “Oh, I took care of that. She didn’t see it.”

Me: “How did she miss it?”

Gary: “I took my shirt off before I left the party and threw it out of the car window on my way home…….. It’s all good.”

Me: “Are you kidding?”

Gary: “Nope! I hated it, because it was a brand new dress shirt, but it had to go. It’s somewhere along the side of the road along Vineville Avenue now.”

I never forgot Gary’s solution to lipstick on his collar. 25 years later, we still laugh about that night and the chick that purposely put lipstick on his collar, knowing full well that he had to go home to a brand new wife that night.

And the married guy’s solution to Lipstick on your collar still works today.