Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I’m Not A Doctor, But I Play One On Myspace

Luke has been a little "under the weather" lately, with a back thing going on, so I've been "babying" him. I didn't know I was going to have to do surgery on him until Saturday evening. He walked in the kitchen, pulled his shorts down, leaned over the kitchen counter and asked, "Miss Carla, will you look at this on my back and tell me what it is?"

Looking at his upper left butt cheek, I answered, "It's a skin tag . . . and I mean a BIG one. That's the biggest skin tag I've ever seen in my life! Do you want me to cut it off? I love cutting things off."

This is not Luke's skin tag, but it looks just like it.

"Yes", he answered. "Cut it off."

"It's going to hurt and it's going to bleed like a son of a gun!", I warned him.

"That's OK. I've got some sharp scissors in my car. Do you want to use those?", he asked.

"Yeah, you go get the scissors and I'll get my doctoring stuff.", I said.

"Let's see . . . some bandages, alcohol, neosporin, surgical gloves, towels. Are you sure you want me to cut it off? That thing needs to be amputated . . . BAD!"

So once again, he dropped his shorts and leaned over the counter. I laid out all of my doctoring tools and snapped on my surgical gloves. The snapping of the surgical gloves made Luke a little nervous, but I had him in a prone position, so I had the advantage.

"OK, it's fixing to hurt!", I warned.

"Just do it. Just do it NOW.", he said.

I took the sterilized scissors and cut the tag . . . All it did was pinch the hell out of him.

Apologizing, I said, "Oops! Sorry . . . I was just practicing. I'll get it THIS time though. Do you want me to stop?"

"No. Just do it.", he said.

I knew I had to get it this NEXT time, or I would lose my chance and he would have to walk around with an extra nipple on his butt forever. So once again, holding the tag with one hand, and the scissors in the other, I snipped it right off! Eureka!

As I handed the tag to him, he said, "You know this means we're family now."

"I know . . . I don't think I've even had my face in MINOR'S butt crack for this length of time.", I assured him.

So I held pressure on his ass for the next 30 minutes and it was still bleeding. It finally slowed up enough to get a bandage on it but then we had to stick a towel in his shorts to catch the overflow. I sent Minor to the drug store for more bandages and some super glue, just in case!

Isn't Luke a good sport? And I'm so happy he let me do the amputation!

No comments:

Post a Comment